


like you don’t care, I like that

by tunajohns



Series: just follow me [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Australia, Alternate Universe - High School, Complete Nerd!Lucas, Final Year Of High School Exam Stress AU, M/M, Skater Goth MUA!Hyuck, Vague Allusions to Anxiety, also me being a lucas has braincells propagandist, emotionally stunted!lucas but also gets his shit together!lucas, i cant believe the australia au tag hHHhh, i stared at a lot of pictures of hyuck to write this fic, me projecting my hatred for the hsc onto lucas' character, nothing too descriptive though, some description of blood/injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-16 21:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14818931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tunajohns/pseuds/tunajohns
Summary: Here’s the thing about Donghyuck Lee,Jungwoo had whispered, eyes darting around the library like someone was going to jump out from underneath one of the numerous sturdy wooden tables placed around the room and point a gun at his head.You always have to watch your back with him. He’s legitimately terrifying. They say that if you cross him, he runs over your toes with his skateboard and gets your crush to reject you.(Or, alternatively, a high school delinquent turns out to be the very least of Lucas' problems.)





	like you don’t care, I like that

Despite his good grades, boisterous personality and absolutely spankin’ body, Lucas isn’t particularly popular.

It _could_ be that he’s annoying. He thinks he can be, being a little too loud and laughing at inappropriate times (see: in the middle of singing the national anthem after he was, for some ungodly reason, compelled to whip and nae nae; at Jungwoo after he broke up with his first girlfriend, the older boy sniffing as he told Lucas _she always left me with blue balls, too_ ; when his parents told him they were getting a divorce, but honestly? That one quickly dissolved into something else entirely), but that doesn’t really stop him from getting invites to parties and the odd romantic confession here and there. He gets stopped for conversations in the hallways, gets on well with his classmates, gets begged to join student clubs every now and then (he’s only ever been tempted to join one of them, and that was because they were offering food to new recruits), but he still wouldn’t say he’s very popular at all.

Lucas _would_ be popular, _could_ be, if he wasn’t so damn _antisocial_.

Take the current situation for example.

Let’s set the scene a little first: it’s a Friday afternoon, first week of the second term of school, and Lucas has the last period free because he’s a senior. He’s at his locker, collecting his textbooks to bring home for the weekend because he has the HSC this year and really, really needs to make the most of the time he has. It’s sort of warm, because it’s Sydney and the weather is about as unpredictable as Mark Lee after five cans of Red Bull and seven expresso shots, so Lucas is shucking his senior jersey off his body so he doesn’t have to swelter inside it on his trip home.

Cue Donghyuck Lee on a skateboard.

Okay, maybe it’s less abrupt than that, a little different from the established scene. Maybe Lucas can hear Donghyuck shrieking from around the corner, hitting freakishly clean falsetto notes as he dicks around with his mates. Maybe Lucas is packing a little more frantically than established, completely terrified of Donghyuck (rather, more what Donghyuck’s sudden appearance might mean) despite being in the year above the boy. Maybe Lucas has plans to watch _Bachelorette_ reruns whilst he eats his body weight in ramen instead of studying. Who knows. Either way, all these little details don’t stop Donghyuck Lee from skating right up to Lucas’ locker.

‘Hey there,’ Donghyuck says, leaning against the locker beside Lucas’, a foot still placed gingerly atop his skateboard. ‘Fancy seeing you around these parts.’

Donghyuck Lee, sixteen going on seventeen, has quite the track record. Jungwoo’s told Lucas about it, over hushed study dates in the State Library.

 _Here’s the thing about Donghyuck Lee_ , Jungwoo had whispered, eyes darting around the library like someone was going to jump out from underneath one of the numerous sturdy wooden tables placed around the room and point a gun at his head. _You always have to watch your back with him. He’s legitimately terrifying. They say that if you cross him, he runs over your toes with his skateboard and gets your crush to reject you._

 _Did he do that to you?_ Lucas had asked.

 _No comment_ , replied Jungwoo. _But seriously. Once he wants something, he gets it. And if he doesn’t want it anymore, he’ll drop it –_

_Like it’s hot, when the pimp’s in the crib?_

_Precisely._

Snoop Dogg references aside, Lucas really, truly fears for his life right now. Donghyuck’s got his hair dyed a vibrant, glaring neon green that makes him look like both a life-ruining houseplant and an Asian, teenaged Joker. He puts a hand on his hip, nails painted a glossy black, bands and bracelets wrapping up the length of his arm. ‘You just going to stand around gaping at me?’

‘Um.’

Donghyuck laughs, a high, airy sound. ‘For someone so tall, you’re being so _cute_ right now.’

Lucas feels like he’s on fire. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do. Does Donghyuck want his notes? Does Donghyuck want his wallet? Does Donghyuck want the keys to the student storeroom with the fridge that stocks Lucas’ Zooper Doopers? How did Donghyuck find out about his Zooper Dooper stash anyways?

‘Oh my _God_ ,’ Donghyuck sighs when Lucas doesn’t answer, rolling his eyes, perfectly winged by black eyeliner. Lucas can’t stop looking at the gold shimmer that covers his eyelids. ‘I wanted your number.’

What. ‘What?’

‘You heard me,’ Donghyuck says, making a _come hither_ motion with his hand. ‘Give me your number.’

What Lucas enters in that moment is what many would agree to be classified, in its most purest form, gay panic.

You see, there’s a few things that needs to be established. Firstly; for all his unironic usage of the endearment _bro_ and his love of the phrase _no homo_ , Lucas is able to justify his usage of such terms through the simple fact that he calls everyone _bro_ so that he can, one day, have a one and only _babe_ , and that he _no homo_ s to the ends of the earth in order to save his purest gay form for that one special someone who will one day let him take them into his arms and say _yes homo_. Secondly; Donghyuck is attractive – there’s something about him that’s grown out of a roughish boyhood, curves over edges, a curl to his glossy lips that draws Lucas’ attention, that gets his heart stuttering in his chest. The image in front of Lucas, frankly, is freaking him the _fuck_ out – he can’t even remember having a proper conversation with Donghyuck before. He’s not ready for something, _someone_ like this. And thirdly; Lucas is _anxious_. His mind runs a mile-a-minute and so does his mouth, he’s silly but he’s not unconscious of the consequences of his actions.

So here he is, in all his depressingly single homosexuality, with a pretty, alluring, _dangerous_ boy in front of him asking for his number, whilst Lucas hasn’t even fully taken off his senior jersey yet. Lucas continues to gape at Donghyuck, struggling to say something, anything, that will preserve his dignity.

Now, Lucas is far from an idiot. He’s topped a few of his classes, grappled for the place as his year’s Dux for the last five years of school and come out on top for three of them. He’s well on the way to becoming a Med student, all whilst staying in his grade’s basketball team, helping his mother with the housework and keeping up to date on the latest episodes of _The Bachelorette_. With this in mind, Lucas, an intellectual, manages to answer Donghyuck in the most composed, thoughtful way he possibly can.

Lucas “Yukhei” Wong, born on the 25th of January, 1999, three-time Dux of his grade and centre of the basketball team, whips, nae naes and runs away from the situation as fast as his legs can possibly carry him.

Donghyuck doesn’t even bother to skate after him. Lucas doesn’t blame him – if he was Donghyuck, he wouldn’t either.

 

…

 

‘ _So you’re saying_ ,’ Jungwoo sighs over the phone that evening, ‘ _that Donghyuck Lee asked for your number?_ ’

‘Mhm,’ Lucas hums, watching intently as Sophie Monk rejects Jarrod Woodgate. ‘Uh-huh.’

‘ _Cas. Stop watching_ The Bachelorette _and fill me in already._ ’

Lucas slaps his spacebar, pausing the video. Jarrod ugly-crying will have to be savoured at later times. ‘Okay, okay, I’m paying attention now. What did you ask again?’

‘ _Donghyuck Lee in the year below us tried to get your number but you swerved him?_ ’

‘Oh. That.’ Lucas had spent the last handful of hours trying to repress the memories of it. ‘Um.’

‘ _Lucas, you’re so fucking_ stupid _I swear to God. Why didn’t I stick to Mark Lee in when I first came to this school? Why?_ ’

Lucas kind of feels hungry right now. He gets up to go make some instant ramen, exiting his room and waving at his mother when he passes her on the couch in their living room. ‘Sorry, Woo. I just kind of freaked out. I thought he was going to roll me?’ When he gets to the kitchen, he goes straight to rummaging through the pantry, balancing his phone in the crook of his neck. He, really, really hopes he hasn’t run out of ramen yet.

‘ _Ok, but from what I’ve just seen, it sounds more like he wanted to ask you out._ ’

‘Huh?’ Lucas almost drops the Shin Ramyun packet he’s managed to wrangle from the depths of the kitchen cupboard. ‘Wait, what?’

Jungwoo groans. ‘ _Seriously, Lucas. Do you even check social media anymore?_ ’

‘As a matter of fact,’ Lucas says, opening up the ramen packet and letting the noodles fall with a _thud_ into a small pot off to the side, ‘I deleted most of mine, remember? HSC and all.’

‘ _I hate you,_ ’ Jungwoo sighs, voice muffling in a way that makes Lucas assume his best friend has just shoved his face into a pillow. ‘ _Okay, so I was on Snapchat and I tapped on Donghyuck’s story, and you will not_ believe _this, but I think he’s got a couple videos of you running away screaming –’_

‘Oh, I didn’t realise I was screaming.’ Lucas fills the pot a third of the way with water, dumping in the seasoning and putting it on the stove. He wonders if he should put an egg in or not. Hell, he wonders if he should put another packet of ramen in. After some deliberation, he decides he should just do both.

‘– _and they’re captioned “i just wanted his number” with like, ten frowny faces and the meme of that sad baby clutching a bottle for the first one, and “there goes the loml” with about twelve frowny faces on the second one, and a sticker of Taeyong Lee lying on the floor looking depressed as fuck. First video is you running down the corridor, the second is you running out of school. I think he took the second video from a window or something._ ’ Jungwoo pauses. ‘ _Hey, man, anyone ever tell you how_ loud _you are?_ ’

Lucas almost cracks his egg onto the stovetop. ‘Wait, what did he call me?’

‘ _The love of your life, asswipe. What are you going to do now?_ ’

There’s only one thing to do, really. Lucas turns around, taking his phone and lowering it, calling out to his mother. ‘Hey, mum?’

‘Yes, darling?’ She puts down the tablet she’s been watching Thai-subbed K-Dramas on.

‘Am I allowed to date this year?’

Lucas’ mother makes a noise of disgust. ‘I did not _bring you into this world_ for you to throw it all away in your last year of high school. Focus on your studies this year.’

‘No dating ‘till uni, then?’

‘No dating until university.’

‘Well,’ Lucas says, bringing his phone back up to his face. ‘That settles it.’

 

…

 

Turns out that it _doesn’t_ settle it.

It starts when Lucas gets back to school on Monday, with Mark Lee pulling him aside before their first period English class, dragging him outside by the sleeve. Mark Lee has an ungodly blond ramen perm that _definitely_ wasn’t a thing when Lucas last saw him on Friday. ‘Oh hi, Mark,’ Lucas finds himself saying on reflex, Tommy Wiseau’s face flashing before his eyes as he momentarily envisions a Californian rooftop. God, Lucas really needs to learn how to balance his sleep schedule.

‘Lost a bet,’ sighs Mark, when he sees Lucas’ gaze trained on the strained noodles that seem to be his hair. ‘Please don’t talk about it.’

‘It’s not actually that bad of a look,’ Lucas finds himself saying. ‘You might want to pair it with a cap or something though.’

Mark facepalms. ‘That’s really not what I wanted to talk to you about. Look, Lucas,’ Mark says, running a hand through the unseasoned cup ramen on his head. ‘Hyuck really just wants to talk to you, honestly. He said you didn’t even add him back on Facebook. The guy’s been whining about you for ages now.’

‘Huh?’ Honestly, Lucas only got half of what Mark said. His hair’s distracting – Lucas keeps having ramen cravings lately, and he has no idea why. ‘Um. Facebook? I don’t use it anymore.’

‘Oh, _right_ ,’ Mark says, eyes widening in realisation. ‘Completely forgot that, man. Well, could you at least try talk to Hyuck? Like, I don’t know, say hi to him in the corridors or something. He doesn’t mean any harm, like, sure, he can be a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes, and he’s pretty sensitive despite constantly roasting everyone like it’s his day job, but he’s really nice and considerate and a loyal friend, and I’d date him if I didn’t want to throw him out a window half the time. And I know you’re a good guy, Lucas. After what happened at Jeno’s party, I’m sure you wouldn’t just leave him hanging like that.’

Yeah, Lucas really isn’t comprehending any of that. He’s way too hungry, as well as being completely knocked out from compiling his Mod A notes the night before. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Mark.’

‘Wait, what?’ Mark blinks a few times, almost owlishly, before narrowing his eyes. ‘Hey, Lucas, are you even listening to me?’

‘Got like, two hours of sleep last night,’ Lucas says, and _gee_ does he feel outside his body right now. ‘Can I just go take a quick nap before class?’

Mark’s shoulders slump, the younger boy sighing deeply as he turns away from Lucas, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘Yeah, whatever, just. Yeah.’ Mark takes a deep breath. ‘You do that.’

‘Sweet,’ Lucas says, walking back into the classroom, to his seat at the back of the room, blissfully unaware of Mark’s minor meltdown, the blond boy slumped against the wall outside the doorway, sliding down to the ground as he screams, silently. Lucas takes his seat next to Jungwoo, who’s occupied with his phone (probably sexting his latest boyfriend. Jungwoo picks up university boys like they’re pebbles on the side of the road), fully ready to fall asleep for at least ten minutes.

And sleep those ten minutes he does. When Jungwoo shakes him awake, Lucas considers his power nap a victory – he gets enough energy to jot down notes for the first few minutes of the lesson before going back to sleep when he realises that all his class is doing is watching _Metropolis_.

Fuck _Metropolis_ , really.

 

…

 

The rest of school is a breeze.

Addendum; the rest of school _would have been_ a breeze.

Lucas is halfway off the school grounds before he’s grabbed by Jeno Lee, a mild-mannered young man who he’s seen in passing every now. Lucas would think quite highly of him did he not witness Jeno partake in sensual escapades in the back of the library when Lucas was just trying to find a book on philosophical developments over the years to supplement his upcoming assessment. Though, it’s not like he thinks _badly_ of Jeno, it’s just really awkward to watch a dude make out with someone whilst groping another entirely different person’s ass simultaneously when one is attempting to find one (1) book on Nietzsche.

Anyways.

‘Hey?’ Lucas finds himself saying, wondering if at this rate he should ask his mother where she gets her pepper spray from. ‘Need something?’

‘Not particularly,’ Jeno says, smiling like he belongs in a dairy product television commercial. ‘But it’s about Donghyuck.’

Oh. Oh God. ‘Does he want to put a hit on me? Take me out with an assassination attempt or something?’

‘It’s more like he wants to hit on you, full stop. And maybe take you out to the skate park because he wants to impress you. And date you.’

Lucas tries to remember the date. ‘It’s not April 1st, is it?’

Jeno, for all his demure patience, is starting to look like he wants to punch through Lucas’ skull. ‘Dude. It’s May.’

‘Oh, right. Yeah, okay. Sure.’

‘So you’ll date him?’

‘ _No_ ,’ Lucas amends, hastily, ‘I just meant that I remembered what day it was.’

Jeno _definitely_ looks like he wants to punch through Lucas’ skull. ‘Why won’t you go out with him?’

‘I barely even know him,’ Lucas says, throwing his hands up in the air. ‘And besides, I have Year 12 to worry about.’

At this, the strained smile on Jeno’s face is quickly morphed into a look of utter confusion. ‘Wait, what?’

Lucas runs a hand through his hair, sighing. He’s starting to get a little stressed out by all this. ‘Yeah. Like, I’ve seen him around, but I’ve never actually talked to him before last Friday?’

Jeno’s oddly quiet. Lucas watches his expression carefully – Jeno’s a very expressive person, and his brow is currently so furrowed his well-groomed eyebrows are threatening to become a monobrow. Lucas wonders if this is where he should take his leave and skedaddle so he can make some instant ramen in the Year 12 common room’s shitty microwave.

‘So,’ Jeno says, slowly, ‘you don’t remember what happened at the party?’

Lucas blinks. ‘What party?’ He hopes Jeno doesn’t notice his palms sweating.

‘The one I had in the holidays.’ Jeno’s looking at Lucas like he’s grown a third head. ‘At Jaemin’s house? All we had was vodka and cruisers?’

‘I thought that was a study group?’

‘It couldn’t have been a study group if we had strobe lights everywhere, a drinks bar and a whole _DJ_ for the night.’

‘Huh. Thought it was just a really lit study group.’

Jeno looks at him. Like, _really_ looks at him. Lucas feels like his exterior is being stripped away under the scrutiny of Jeno’s gaze. ‘For someone who’s so smart, you can honestly be so _stupid_.’ Lucas watches as Jeno walks off, shaking his head, the perpetual grin on his face now sardonic. The younger boy grabs an Oak Chocolate Milk carton straight out of the hands of a poor junior, who’s halfway through drinking it, throwing the carton at the wall, turning back with a scream. ‘ _Watch yourself,_ Wong. Hyuck deserves more than what you’re fucking giving him.’

And _then_ Jeno really does walk off, not looking back once, head held high.

Damn.

Lucas wonders if he’s doing the right thing.

 

…

 

It’s getting hard to keep the act up.

Lucas is sitting in the library when he sees Donghyuck, outside the window he’s sitting next to as he struggles through a 3U Math textbook from 2013 (abandoned on the table, in favour of episode after episode on YouTube of _Say Yes To The Dress UK_ ). He lets the Muji ink pen he’s been tapping against the table slip out of his fingers, gaze falling on the playground below him.

Donghyuck’s there. Of course he is. He has his skateboard beneath him, skating around the perimeter of the quadrangle, flipping the board beneath his feet with a ridiculous amount of grace. Something protective is surfacing in Lucas’ chest, a twinge of worry as Donghyuck leans dangerously far to the left as he turns a corner. The younger boy is flailing to keep balance. He still has that wild, smug grin on his face.

And then he looks up.

Electric. That’s how it feels, when Donghyuck’s gaze meets his. Lucas is two floors above him, but it’s still easy to see the glitter across Donghyuck’s eyelids, his pretty walnut eyes winged with black. The way they shine almost breaks Lucas’ heart. The soft plush of his lips definitely does.

It happens so fast. Donghyuck falls off the skateboard, a turn gone wrong, palms first into the concrete. Through the open window Lucas hears a shriek of panic (Chenle, probably), watches in horror as an ugly graze running up the side of Donghyuck’s left arm bleeds red, as scrapes cut open Donghyuck’s palms. Remembers them, those pretty hands, cradled in his own.

Donghyuck’s still looking at him. Neither of them can look away.

Lucas has to do something. Wants to do something, watching Donghyuck’s eyes prickle with tears as Jeno rushes to his side. Maybe he could go down there. Maybe he could ask Donghyuck if he’s alright. Maybe he could pack up his untouched revision and try to make himself happy for a bit. Maybe he could be happy for a long time.

Maybe. But he turns away.

God, is what he’s doing cruel. He gets a glimpse in his peripheral of Donghyuck’s bottom lip wobbling at the gesture. Donghyuck will be alright, Lucas tries to tell himself. He has Jeno, and Chenle, and the rest of the friends in his little group. Meanwhile, Lucas has a textbook to work through and ambient library noise. He can’t distract himself now. He’s got his social media quota shaved down to half an hour a day, practice papers scheduled every evening after dinner. Tutoring on Tuesdays and Saturdays, study groups on Wednesday and  Sunday afternoons. Exercise at the 24/7 gym near his house when he can fit it in (which is usually at 2am in the morning on a bad day, a brisk 15 minute walk away, basketball training on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Everything’s in place.

It should be. It _needs_ to be.

Slipping in his earphones Lucas pulls out a piece of paper and begins to write. It helps him to pretend he can’t hear the choked sobs that begin to come from outside the window.

It’s not even five minutes later when Lucas finds himself passing the sick bay on the way to the room where he next has class. He sees Donghyuck perched on one of the beds inside, pouting defiantly as one of the office ladies disinfects his wounds with Dettol and a frown. His eyeliner is still flawless, perfect sharp lines despite the redness of his eyes and the sniffle of his nose. Lucas winces when he sees the raw red-pink of the grazes, bared against the open air. He knocks on the doorframe, gently, and tries not to blush when Donghyuck looks up, mouth falling open at the sight of him.

And then the younger boy smiles, pretty peach-coloured gloss kissed against his lips, and everything feels so perfect in the world. Funny, how Donghyuck manages to shake up his heart with that small smile of his.

He wants to stay. Wants to linger a little, sit beside the younger boy, chide him a little for his carelessness, poke fun at his poor balance, hold his hand again, maybe even –

Lucas bites down on his bottom lip. Too dangerous. It’s stupid to tempt himself with something that will never happen. He’s not even allowed to date. He doesn’t even have time for this. He really doesn’t. He has three exams to prep for in a couple of weeks and an assignment he still hasn’t started researching for, due in a month. But _oh_ , does Donghyuck make everything feel so timeless.

Maybe it’s because Lucas hasn’t been getting enough sleep. But Donghyuck’s getting harder and harder to deny. ‘Hey, Hyuck.’

‘Hey?’

 _In and out_ , Lucas tries to remind himself. _This was supposed to be quick_. ‘Just have something for you.’

Donghyuck blinks once, twice. ‘Oh?’ His eyes are sparkling, despite the office lady’s insistent dabbing of alcohol-soaked cotton swabs along his arm.

‘Yeah, it’s just this,’ Lucas mumbles, breaking eye contact, thrusting forward the folded sheet of paper in his hands. ‘Read it.’

‘Thank you,’ Donghyuck starts, a whisper, hand outstretched still, but Lucas is already striding out the door.

If Lucas lingers a little beside the window that looks into the sick bay to see Donghyuck’s smile upon reading the handwritten note, it doesn’t mean anything. If Lucas’ next class was right beside the library, all the way on the other side of the school, that doesn’t mean anything either.

 

…

 

It’s halfway through the term, around 11pm one Saturday night when The Call happens.

‘ _Dude. Seriously. You’re not even considering it?_ ’

Lucas blinks blearily over his Chemistry prac notes. ‘Considering what?’

‘ _Going to Vivid this year._ ’ Jungwoo’s disdain is almost tangible. ‘ _Like, Cas, I’m asking for literally just one night. One night, and you’re always ahead on your assignments, anyways._ ’

‘Aren’t you already going with your boyfriend, anyways?’ Lucas knows it’s the wrong thing to say when he hears Jungwoo groan, followed by a muted thump (which Lucas assumes is Jungwoo throwing himself back onto his bed). It’s definitely a bad thing to say because the annual Vivid lightshow is, for them –

‘ _It’s_ tradition _, man._ ’ Jungwoo sighs. ‘ _I’d literally drop Kevin right now if he told me not to go with you. It’s not like I can’t go with him on a different day anyways._ ’

Lucas racks his mind for memories of a Kevin. ‘What happened to the university boyfriend?’

‘ _Kevin_ is _the university boyfriend, you absolute buffoon_.’

‘Oh.’ Lucas takes a pastel-pink hi-lighter, ready to assault his notes. ‘Right. He any good?’

‘ _Strong head game, weak stroke game, weaker reply game._ ’ Jungwoo keeps his tone flippant, but Lucas has been friends with him since primary – he knows better. ‘ _I have a feeling he’s in an experimental phase._ ’

‘You deserve better than that, Woo,’ Lucas says, softly. ‘Why not just wait it out? Take your time and stuff. Wait for the right guy to come along instead of picking up people who, honestly, seem to just be using you.’

Jungwoo snorts. ‘ _You mean like you? Come one, Lucas. You’re worse than I am. You’ve already got someone, and you won’t even take what’s right in front of you._ ’ Lucas can’t think. Jungwoo’s tone is firm, but without the bite. ‘ _You’re pretty lucky, you know. Donghyuck’s not a bad person._ ’

‘Weren’t you convinced he was the spawn of Satan not too long ago?’

‘ _Yeah, but then I started talking to Jeno Lee. Smiley kid that lowkey looks like Quicksilver because he bleached his hair platinum?_ ’

Lucas briefly conjures to mind an Oak milk carton, being thrown. ‘Uh. Yeah.’

‘ _He was telling me about his friend. Apparently he’s being led on by some guy in our grade. So I was like, wow, tea? Gimme the hot goss, fam._ ’ Jungwoo’s voice, once bouncy and gossipy, suddenly drops. Lucas crosses himself for good luck. ‘ _And apparently, good sir, this friend of his is Donghyuck. And the guy in our grade leading him on is_ you _. Care to tell me what’s going on?_ ’

‘I…’ Lucas doesn’t know what’s going on himself. He wipes his palms against the material of his boxers. What _is_ he doing? Watching Donghyuck from afar, that’s what. Trying to make him smile from a distance, making him cry instead.  ‘I think I like him, Woo.’ It’s not so much a revelation as a confession, long-overdue.

‘ _Lucas? Are you…?_ ’ Where are the tissues? They’re definitely somewhere in his room – he usually needs a few after he beats his meat every now and then. ‘ _Oh, baby. It’s okay, Lucas. It’s going to be okay. Can you still hear me?_ ’

‘I’m so tired, Jungwoo,’ and it feels like a weight off his chest to say it. ‘I want to fuckin’ drop out. I want to go back to Hong Kong, _fuck_.’ He’s ugly sobbing into his thrice-handed-down Samsung Galaxy S5, wailing when he finds his tissue box, under his bed, empty (curse his teenage virility!), and he honestly can’t bring himself to care about anything anymore. Defeated, exhausted, he crawls onto his bed, wrapping himself up in his blankets.

‘ _You’re allowed to feel that way. It’s a fucked up year, for all of us. You’re not alone, Lucas. Please, don’t ever think you need to go through this alone._ ’

Lucas puts a hand over his mouth, trying to muffle the sobs that threaten to bubble up from his chest. His mother’s still awake in the other room. He can’t let her know. He doesn’t want her to know. ‘I just feel like I’m not working _hard_ enough.’

‘ _I think you’re working too hard_ ,’ is Jungwoo’s reply, instant. ‘ _I never see you outside of class, Lucas. You’re never free outside of school. Not even on the weekends._ ’

‘But I don’t even _do_ anything,’ and Lucas hates how whiny and pathetic he sounds. ‘I sit at my desk and just stare at fuck knows what, and I get my work done but it’s as late as everyone else’s and I don’t know what to do and I just,’ Lucas hiccups, biting down on the skin on the back of his palm to supress a whimper, ‘I don’t want to be another guy in my mum’s life that just disappoints her at the end of the day, Jungwoo. I can’t do that to her.’

Jungwoo breathes out, sighing. ‘ _Oh, Lucas, you could never disappoint her. I know you couldn’t._ ’

‘How?’

‘ _Really look at yourself, Lucas,_ ’ sighs Jungwoo, soft and comforting in the late hours of the night. ‘ _Look at what you’ve achieved over the years. Your grades are good, you work hard, the teachers all like you_.’

‘DO they really?’

‘ _Shit, if they don’t like you, they definitely hate me._ ’

Lucas snorts at this, a wet, snotty sound. ‘Jungwoo. Half the school staff would die for you.’

‘ _Exactly. Of course they would. Which just sells my point, buddy. And that’s not even all of it. You shouldn’t be worried about your mum, you know. You’re a good son, I’m sure of it. And your mum’s pretty straight forward. If she thought you were a disgrace, she would’ve told you by now._ ’ Jungwoo’s not wrong. But it still doesn’t make it easier to believe. Lucas shakes stray, dark thoughts out of his head.

‘I guess,’ he ends up mumbling, wiping miserable tears away from the corners of his eyes.

‘ _Don’t guess, Cas,_ know _. You’ll get there, buddy._ ’

‘I sure hope I do,’ mumbles Lucas. ‘If I don’t, I’m suing the goddamn school.’ He burrows deeper into his blankets, letting the sheets soak up the tears that just won’t stop coming.

Jungwoo makes a comforting noise, a gentle hum through the phone. ‘ _You know, you should really take some time off for yourself, Cas. I’ll drop the Donghyuck thing for now?_ ’

It’s too much for Lucas to think of, in one night. To much to want in one night. ‘Please do.’

‘ _Let’s go out, this Friday. Just the two of us, alright? We can watch a movie, get some food. You need a break._ ’

Lucas wonders if he can afford it. One night shouldn’t hurt, right? The last time he went out, things didn’t turn out so bad. He’d still completed all his school work with time to spare. It’ll be alright, right? ‘Maybe.’

‘ _Definitely. This Friday, Cas. Don’t forget to tell your mum._ ’ There’s some muffled shouting in the background, layered beneath Jungwoo’s voice. ‘ _My dad’s calling for me, now. You need to take better care of yourself, Lucas. Work on it. Sadsturbate, put on a face mask, sleep. Whatever tickles your pickle, sweetie_.’

‘Sure,’ Lucas says, weakly. ‘You too, Woo.’ He bites his lip, sniffing back a fresh wave of sobs. ‘I love you, man.’

‘ _Love you too_.’ Lucas hears Jungwoo’s kiss through the receiver, and then the line goes dead.

He burrows into the covers. Friday’s two days away, now. Lucas, running through the checklist he’s burned into the memory, concludes that even if he doesn’t get through the Chem notes he wanted to tonight, it’s probably still safe enough to sleep. He can go through the notes later. Right now, he’s too tired to do anything but let the warmth of his blankets seep into his very core.

He dreams of soft hands, bleeding.

 

 

…

 

Vivid isn’t shabby, this year.

Well, it is, if you go to Chatswood. And unfortunately, that’s all Lucas and Jungwoo have time for.

They’re not even going to try go into the CBD this year, especially if they want to be home and safe by the 8pm curfew Lucas’ mum gave them. _Remember you have tutoring in the morning, Lucas_ , she’d warned, voice stern. But she’d slipped an extra twenty-dollar note into his hand on his way out in the morning, anyways.

Jungwoo’s shivering in his black hoodie, senior jersey and school blazer combo, hands shoved in the pockets of school pants, loosely flapping around his ankles. His fringe is whipping in the wind, and he huddles closer to Lucas for warmth. ‘I am nowhere near emotionally prepared enough for this weather.’

‘Do you want to go back inside?’ Lucas looks down at his best friend’s nose, illuminated by the lights coming from the shops on the main street, slowly pinking in the cold. They’d just gotten out of the shopping centre, having watched the 3:10pm screening of _Avengers: Infinity War_. Lucas had had to practically bridal carry Jungwoo all the way to the station for them to make the train to Chatswood in time to get snacks before the screening, and after watching the movie, he’d wondered at what cost. He’s still reeling, tearing up every time he dares to think about the events that have transpired. Lucas is reading _so much_ fanfiction when he gets home.

‘No, I’m good,’ Jungwoo mumbles, pressing himself further into Lucas’ side. ‘God, why is it so _cold?_ ’

‘Winter’s kind of fucked in Sydney, isn’t it?’ comes Lucas’ clipped reply, teeth chattering. He wishes he’d brought a scarf, pulling the collar of his hood closer around his ears.

‘No shit, Cas. No fuckin’ shit.’

Lucas can feel his stomach grumble as they come to stop outside the pop-up food stalls, the smell of grilled meat and fried batter filling the air. He may have eaten three bags of Daiso caramel corn in the cinema, but he will be absolutely damned before he walks away from the takoyaki stall, stationed innocently right outside the Westpac.

Jungwoo rolls his eyes when Lucas looks back down to meet his gaze. ‘Of course you can, you big baby.’ That’s all it takes for Lucas to jog his way to the stall, heart throbbing with longing.

Now, the thing about Lucas is that he’s kind of _long_. Tall, gangly, a head taller than half the people he meets. It’s come in handy a few times, like when he has to get things from the top of the shelf, or when he wants to see past a crowd.

This is not one of those times.

Lucas, in his pubescent gangliness, crashes into someone, who had been zipping down the main street on their skateboard, limbs flailing. He, mortifyingly enough, falls right on top of them, palms slapped on either side of their head. Luckily, the person beneath him had the reflexes to put their chin to their chest, narrowly avoiding slamming their head into the pavement, before relaxing, looking straight into Lucas’ eyes.

Oh god. And to think the situation could get any worse.

It’s Donghyuck beneath him, blushing and breathless. His makeup is pretty today, soft pinks and a gentle brown eyeliner, a shimmery highlight and matte lips illuminated by the lights around them. He’s switched up his earrings too, changing out hoops for dangly crosses.

Donghyuck’s slowly getting redder and redder. Upon noticing that, Lucas feels like he should stop staring. ‘Oh, fuck.’

Donghyuck flinches, wincing. ‘Sorry about that,’ he whispers, and it’s such a sweet sound. Lucas wants to hear them between his own lips.

Okay, he’s probably getting ahead of himself.

‘Lucas, get _off_ him,’ Jungwoo hisses, jogging over beside them to pull him up. ‘Hyuck, I’m _so_ sorry this buffoon got in your way. Lucas, you absolute panini head.’

Lucas can’t look away. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Yeah.’ Donghyuck hasn’t met his gaze, shifting on his feet. There’s some vague yelling around them, and Lucas realises that Donghyuck’s friends are running up to them.

‘Hyuck,’ Mark Lee groans, throwing an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder with so much affection that Lucas wants to rip it off with his teeth. ‘You freaked us all out there for a moment. Doyoung was about to call a whole _ambulance_.’

‘And what if I was?’ snipes a slim, severe-looking guy (who Lucas assumes is Doyoung. Huh. He’s never seen this guy before) standing a little away from them, a little breathless from the jog there. Jeno Lee and Jaemin Na are right on his heels, running forward to join Mark in embracing Donghyuck. ‘Who the _hell_ skates down a busy street, in the evening, _and_ during _Vivid_ , anyways?’

Mark waves him off. ‘Donghyuck. Donghyuck does.’

‘You should make it up to him,’ Jungwoo says, hand on his hip as Lucas’ gaze snaps up to him, and Lucas has half a mind to die on the spot. ‘You know, for barrelling into him like that.’ Jungwoo’s wearing the coyest, most shit-eating grin known to man.

Lucas wants to protest, to say something like _Hey. Shouldn’t he know_ not _to skate down a main street during one of the most public events in the city?_ , and flip Jungwoo off for being such a sneaky bitch. But there’s something about Donghyuck that makes him soft, emotional and lenient. He’d let Donghyuck repeatedly skate over his toes if that was what he wanted. ‘I guess I should.’ He turns to Donghyuck, doing everything he can to not sweep the younger boy into his arms. ‘Let me shout you food, Hyuck.’

Donghyuck flushes. ‘I’m honestly okay, Lucas.’’

‘Please. I really want to make it up to you.’

‘There’s nothing to make up. It’s okay, I don’t owe you anything.’ Suddenly, it doesn’t quite sound like they’re talking about food, anymore.

Jaemin sighs, with all the dramatics of a Hollywood diva. ‘Ladies. _Laid-ease_. You guys should probably catch up with each other anyways. Talk to each other for a bit. Kiss and make up.’

‘Sounds good,’ chirps Jungwoo, before Lucas can even start to edge a word in. ‘Let’s go get food, leave these guys alone for a bit. Bye Cas, bye Hyuck!’ He grabs Doyoung’s wrist, pulling him away from Lucas and Donghyuck, breaking into a light jog while the older man protests. Mark and Jaemin follow after them, giggling mercilessly.

There’s only Jeno left, smiling that suspiciously cheery smile of his. Lucas meets his gaze, and Jeno mimes slicing motions across his neck, before running after his friends. Doyoung’s protests can be heard in the distance, in the approximate location of the 7/11 further up the street.

Well.

‘I guess we should talk.’ Lucas can’t help the stuttering of his heart in his throat.

‘Yeah,’ mumbles Donghyuck. The cold is pinkening his cheeks, flushing across his nose. Then he clears his throat, pushing his chin up and smiling at Lucas, mouth curved into an almost disarming grin. ‘Sure. Took you long enough to come around.’

It’s getting easier to see when Donghyuck’s posturing or not, now that Lucas has seen him put a mask on in front of him rather than arriving with a pretty veneer already in place. ‘What do you mean?’ It’s awful, what Lucas is doing, really, pretending that he doesn’t know what Donghyuck means, watching impassively whilst the younger boy’s face falls.

Donghyuck turns away. ‘Nothing.’ He scans the ground around them, walking off to pick up his skateboard, lying forlornly a couple of metres away. ‘Come on, let’s get some food, and then we can talk.’

They get the takoyaki, Donghyuck insisting ( _my Japanese tutor,_ Donghyuck says, while they’re waiting, _Yuta Nakamoto, who graduated last year, said he’d literally die for the food here_ ) and Lucas enthusiastically agreeing. Donghyuck leads the two of them indoors to the food court next to the Korean grocer, and they eat.

The silence between them is almost suffocating. Maybe Lucas should tell him. It’d be good to get it off his chest, let Donghyuck know how he feels so at the very least the two of them can talk it out. Better to talk about things, disagree, argue, than never speak at all. At least that’s what Lucas’ mum says. Of course she’d say that, he thinks. He’d watched twenty years of his parent’s marriage disintegrate little by little, every waking moment of his life.

He wants his mother here, now. To hold her, say sorry. For her to kick his ass into motion and make him do the right thing. Maybe he’s taking after his father too much, now, after all.

So he stays quiet. Smiles at Donghyuck, letting his eyes close with the motion so he doesn’t have to watch Donghyuck have to force one back. So he won’t see what Lucas is really feeling, right now.

Lucas thinks about what’s going to happen next. He’ll probably walk Donghyuck back to the station after they’ve eaten, standing not quite close but not too far away either. Jungwoo and the rest of the guys will be waiting there (if the text notifications popping up on Lucas’ phone are any indication), and Lucas will have to look away at the sight of them visibly deflating when they see the tell-tale distance between Lucas and Donghyuck, a few centimetres too many to be happily together. That’s how the day ends seems to be ending, for the two of them.

Well, at least, until Donghyuck slams his hand on the table.

His palm hits the table surface with a resounding _bang_. ‘Shit,’ Donghyuck gasps, wincing, and Lucas doesn’t realise he’s flown out of his seat until he’s on his feet, his hands hovering over Donghyuck’s own. There’s little patches of red, coming through the bandages.

‘Are you alright?’ Oh God. What if Donghyuck loses his hand? What if he has irreparable nerve damage? Will he need to get a medical certificate? Lucas is pretty sure the Year 11s have exams in the next two weeks. Is Donghyuck going to be able to write? Does he want Lucas to write his exams for him?

Tears are springing up in Donghyuck’s eyes. ‘I’m okay,’ he hisses out, voice wobbly. ‘I just,’ and _oh,_ does his voice get so small, ‘I just wanted to grab your attention.’

Oh. Oh God, Lucas is a terrible person. Can’t even focus on what’s right in front of him. _You always have my attention_ , he wants to say. ‘Oh,’ he says instead.

‘It’s already so obvious I like you,’ and Donghyuck’s looking at him, defiantly now, and that’s one of the reasons Lucas likes him so much, how unashamed and honest he is, ‘so I want you to tell me how you feel about me. Either you like me you don’t, easy as that.’

‘Why do you want to date me so badly?’ Lucas can barely bring himself to look at Donghyuck’s face, the pretty tears at the corners of his eyes that don’t even make his mascara run. ‘You could have anyone else.’

‘I don’t _want_ anyone else,’ and Donghyuck’s voice is almost heartbreaking. ‘I want you.’

‘Why?’ It’s so easy to act dumb, obstinate. Makes it easier to forget things can hurt. Makes it easier to forget things that make him care.

Donghyuck laughs, sounding more like a sob than anything. ‘Is it so hard to believe that I like you?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Lucas feels awful, heart throbbing as he watches Donghyuck continue to blink back tears. ‘I don’t even know _why_ you like me.’

‘Don’t you remember?’

‘Remember what?’

‘The party.’ Donghyuck looks almost desperate, searching Lucas’ gaze for a hint of realisation. ‘Please, Lucas. I’m _begging_ you.’

Lucas swallows. ‘I don’t remember.’

‘You have to remember. You weren’t drinking, Lucas. If I remember, you have to have.’ The younger boy chokes back a shaky breath. ‘Please don’t lie to me. Please, just. _Please_.’

Watching Donghyuck right now, so heartbroken even though they’re not together, Lucas doesn’t think he can trust himself.

‘It’s not fair, you know,’ Donghyuck says, quietly. ‘I liked you for years.’ He shakes his head, pretty green fringe falling into the warm earth of his eyes. ‘ _Years,_ Lucas. You can’t just kiss me like that and pretend it never happened.’

‘Donghyuck, I –’

‘Just say you didn’t like me back, or it was a mistake, but I’m begging you. Don’t pretend it never happened. At least still let me have that night. Please.’

Lucas doesn’t know if he can lie to himself anymore.

Of course he remembers that night. Remembers Donghyuck’s hair, a ridiculous freshly-dyed shade of green. _It wasn’t meant to come out so bright_ , the younger boy had blushed. Lucas remembers turning away to hide his own when he’d mumbled _you still look nice, though_.

And then it had spiralled from there, and they’d talked about everything and nothing at once, in the corner of one of the many empty rooms in Jaemin’s house. And then Donghyuck had ended up in his lap, blushing and giggling, the two of them drunk on each other. And then they’d kissed, slow and sweet.

Lucas still remembers what Donghyuck’s hands had felt like, curled gently against the nape of his neck, threaded through the soft hairs there, oh so gently. How could he ever forget?

Donghyuck’s arms are wrapped around himself, the chipped black acyrlic nails of his wounded palms digging into the flesh of his arms. He’s still looking at Lucas, gaze piercing. ‘So, Wong. What’s it gonna be?’

What _is_ it going to be? Is Lucas ever going to be able to tell Donghyuck how he feels? Every time he wants to, he sees slammed doors and his mother crying all over again.

He could say lots of things, right now. He could lie, tell Donghyuck _I don’t like you, this was a mistake, can I have a bathroom break?_ He could walk off and leave the younger boy hanging and never deal with him again in his life.

But he doesn’t _want_ to.

‘I like you a lot,’ Lucas says, and he watches as Donghyuck’s jaw drops. ‘I’ve liked you ever since I walked past the Food Tech rooms and I heard you say “drinky drinky lil’ sinky” when you unplugged the drain. I’ve liked you even when your hair was that really ugly aqua-purple ombre. I’ve liked you especially when you told the principal to suck your ass after he refused to allow Dance to be an elective subject at school.’

Donghyuck’s blushing _hard_. ‘Lucas, that was all _two years_ ago.’

‘Exactly,’ Lucas says, and now that he’s started, he doesn’t know why he ever tried to keep it in. ‘And I’m sorry I was never honest with you, because honestly, I couldn’t even be honest to myself. My parents got divorced when I was in Year 10 and that just screwed me over completely for the last two years and I don’t know how relationships are supposed to work and,’ Lucas takes a breath. When did his hands start to shake this much? ‘And I don’t know if I’ll treat you right, Donghyuck.’

‘We could always try,’ the younger boy says, gently, so pretty even in the almost-clinical lighting of the food court. ‘If you want to.’

‘I want to,’ and he’s surprised at how the words fall from his lips, instantly. ‘I really want to.’ But does he even have the time? How is he supposed to be good to Donghyuck if he’s never even there? God, how well does he even know Donghyuck? Hasn’t he treated Donghyuck really badly since the party? Does he even deserve him right now? God, how can Lucas even manage a boyfriend if he’s not even going to get his History Extension major work draft submitted on time –

‘Don’t overthink it,’ Donghyuck says, voice snapping Lucas out of his daze. ‘We can take it slow, alright? You look freaked out of your mind.’

‘Huh?’

‘You’re thinking too much,’ and it’s not so much an accusation as a simple observation. ‘I don’t expect anything from you, you know? You like me and I like you, and that’s enough for me, okay?’ Donghyuck’s leaning over the table, taking Lucas’ hands into his own injured ones. ‘We’re friends first, right?’

‘Right,’ Lucas says, voice quiet, mouth dry. ‘Yeah, we are.’

‘So we can work off that. Let’s be take it slow, work off that.’ _Let’s make this work_ , is what it sounds like. _Let’s take it slow, so if we’re hurting each other, we can see it coming, and we can do something about it. Let’s treat each other like friends first so we’ll never forget what we mean to each other._

Lucas thinks about his mum and dad. Married after three dates over six months. _Too fast, too soon_ , his mother had told him. _Don’t make the same mistake I did, son._ Does it mean he’s a mistake, too? Does that mean he’s always going to make mistakes? Will he ever be able to do anything right?

Donghyuck’s face is close enough to touch, if Lucas were to just lift his hand. It’d break him, if Donghyuck were to change his mind. He’s had enough drama, last-minute decisions, make-ups and break-ups and tears to last a lifetime.

Lucas just wants to be sure, for once.

‘I don’t want you to regret this,’ Lucas whispers.

‘Never.’ And Donghyuck closes the distance between them.

It’s sweeter, in the light, even if it’s artificial. Sweeter than last time, even when they were pressed together. It’s surer, like a promise, almost heartbreaking in its brevity. And God, does Lucas want more. ‘Holy shit.’

‘I know, right?’ Donghyuck has the audacity to _wink_. His lashes flutter, and Lucas wonders why he ever considered withholding his heart from this boy. ‘Knew you’d cave in one day.’

‘Of course I would have,’ Lucas finds himself saying, as if bewitched. ‘You’re absolutely gorgeous.’ A beat, a pause, Donghyuck ducking his head at the praise. ‘What are we now?’

Donghyuck raises a perfectly-shaped eyebrow. ‘You’re asking me?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What do you want us to be?’ And Lucas might just fall in love, with how kind Donghyuck is, patient and considerate and caring.

‘Boyfriends, maybe?’ It’s scaring Lucas to say it out loud. He’s barely on top of his studies – how is he supposed to manage a relationship on top of that? But then he thinks of all the time he spends, watching shitty reality TV in his room, stuffing his face, tired, alone. It’d be nice to share those lonely hours with someone, even on the phone. To hear someone’s voice, someone else’s laughter in the dark. Donghyuck’s voice, his laugh maybe. Donghyuck has a sweet voice, angelic, high-pitched and airy. Lucas wants to hear it more often. Lucas wants to hear it all the time. ‘Boyfriends.’

Donghyuck’s smile is worth it, pearly little teeth between kissable lips. ‘That’s more than fine.’ And then he leans in again, kisses Lucas gently, once more. Lucas’ heart is soaring.

Maybe, just maybe, they’ll be okay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally the product of my own senior year stress gdi why cant i get a cute mans like donghyuck  
> therell probably be a few spin offs abt this once i get my act together so stay tuned for some dowoo set in this au in the future!!
> 
>  
> 
> hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tunajohns) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/tunajohns)


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